Confession time: I didn’t practice what I preached from my previous (Friday’s) post.
Well I practiced like 70% of it. The rest of the 30% well… let’s just say I fell off the wagon.
“ugh I already ate this entire bag of gummy bears, I may as well just eat this pie too. And these cookies since I’m already so deep in the hole” “ugh I literally cannot MOVE I’m so full. But for some damn reason I want to eat MORE”. sound familiar? I, personally, go through this a lot. Pretty much every-other-week.
I’ve actually wanted to do this exact post a few times, because it truly is really necessary to me and I’m sure tons others out there, but I never know how to start it or how to tie it in. BUT with this past weekend, I can’t avoid it. (I also got an email from my mom who just read Friday’s post and responded to my email which I sent her the post in with “you should be honest in today’s post on your weekend’s eatings”.)
Let’s start with WHAT I ate. From Friday – Sunday. Now I’m sure you like ok this is going to be silly.. cool, Taylor had a cheeseburger and probably just feels OH SO FAT. Blah blah blah. WELP. I wish it was just a cheeseburger. And I wish every other weekend it was JUST a cheeseburger. I wouldn’t be feeling called to do this post if it was JUST cheeseburger.
Friday evening: it started off on the right foot, as I shared in my Friday post, the importance of allowing yourself a ‘cheat’ meal and ENJOYING it guilt free. So this is what happens when I allow myself a cheat meal (the majority of the time).
– Chipotle. I got the salad bowl, with chicken, salsa and black beans. Kept it as clean as possible because I KNEW I wanted…
-Froyo. So I did, I got froyo because I felt I EARNED and DESERVED it for being so good at Chipotle. Now you think that mindset would work. And I’m sure it does for everyone else. But the thing with me, once I get the taste of any shitty sweet food, it lingers in my mind. I crushed the froyo like it was my job, and YES I did enjoy every bite. And I knew once I finished it I was “going to be good for the rest of the weekend because I enjoyed my cheat”. Welp…
-Friday night arrived to our weekend destination and this is the start of my downward slide. I had 2 pieces of apple pie and 2 slices of apple sauce cake. NEITHER healthy but they were good and made with LOVE so I had to eat them. Right? I HAD to eat all FOUR slices. Because well one, isn’t ever enough for me.
So let’s just now list the rest of the food I ate for the weekend in one long list (from Saturday – Sunday)
1. 2 more apple pie slices
2. 3 blueberry muffins
3. A massive chunk of cheese
4. (around) 5 servings of chocolate covered rasins
5. Chocolate covered peeanuts
6. Chocolate covered espresso beans
7. Gummy bears (AN ENTIRE PACKAGE)
8. Not non-fat XL latte
9. 1 slice pumpkin pie
10. 2 more slices of apple sauce cake
11. Peach cobbler (bowl)
12. Cherry cobbler (bowl)
13. Pecan pie (slice)
14. Chocolate mousse pie (slice)
15. Lemon meuring pie (slice)
16. Orange ring slices
Yes. Over a 48 hour period I ate every single one of those listed above. And no I’m not exaggerating. At all. I wish I was.
Now this is only counting the sweets – I won’t even go into listing the ‘food’ I ate. Because I think by this point your jaw is already dropped close enough to the ground and well.. I don’t need to ‘scare’ you anymore about what I inhale.
Ever heard of the term “binging”? well, a lot of people joke “omg I totally binged out this weekend”. But for some people, it’s a really serious term that takes over their lives and has total control over them.
“ “Binge-Eating Disorder”: is a serious eating disorder in which you frequently consume unusually large amounts of food. Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But for some people, overeating crosses the line to binge-eating disorder and it becomes a regular occurrence, usually done in secret.
When you have binge-eating disorder, you may be deeply embarrassed about gorging and vow to stop. But you feel such a compulsion that you can’t resist the urges and continue binge eating.” –defined by the Mayo-Clinic
I, and have had for YEARS, have Binge Eating Disorder. It totally sounds funny, like a made up term just so you can define yourself with something. But unless you actually deal with the (what seems to be) uncontrollable symptoms, it’s really not that funny. It’s downright frustrating. It’s stressful and it literally takes over your life. Every single day you fight it and most of the time you fail.
A lot of people assume that binge eaters are just lacking self-control. Nope.
The difference between overeating and binging: picture thanksgiving day, as you gather around a feast with friends and family. So many holiday treats tempt us to try one more thing until we feel so full we can’t take another bite. (then comes in stretchy-pants). Although this is not healthy, for most people it’s just an occasion to overeat, and the following day a normal healthy eating routine is resumed.
For people with binge eating disorder, they lose control of their life to food. They literally eat until they are so insanely uncomfortable, and then they eat more because they’re “already in the hole so I may as well eat more” sort of of mentality. As part of a cycle, they follow binging with renewed promises to change their ways, every single time. However, the compulsion to eat does not go away and their good intentions are not enough to help them overcome their eating disorder.
Does the above sort of sound like something you do? On the regular? Here’s a list of most of the symptoms to see if you fit:
- You continue to eat even if you are so full you’re uncomfortable
- You eat more food when binging than you would at a regular meal
- You eat very fast when binging
- You struggle with feelings of out of control eating
- You diet often without losing weight
- You practice regular binging
- You regularly eat alone
- You hoard food and hide empty wrappers and containers
- You struggle with feelings of depression or anxiety over how much you’ve eaten
So when I say I experience this, I really experience most every single one of these.
A couple times I’ve tried the whole ‘I’ll do a cheat day and eat everything I want to get it out of my system.
So I won’t crave this crap anymore because I just got to eat a lot of it”. Yeah, that doesn’t work. I try the “I’ll just work out really hard this week at the gym to make up for it”. Yeah that doesn’t work either.
Now, I know you’re waiting for the “omg how is she going to fix this?! Will she give the answer?!”
The answer: I have no idea. And nope, I don’t have the answer.
But I am one determined woman, at anything and everything I do. And I’m sure I’m not alone in this gorge-yourself-until-you-need-your-yoga-pants-on-because-your-jeans-won’t-button routine.
So. What I’m going to do is re-evaluate my health. Make a list of WHY I do what I do. Also, WHY I chose to switch to a clean-eating life(as much as I can) when I did. To make it clear, I used to eat like this every single day. I’ve come a LONG way from this. I now eat 80% clean and the rest not so much clean. It literally used to be 20% clean the rest not so much clean.. SO there is hope for anyone else out there.
Another tip I’ve read is to try to find out WHY you are binging! What are you getting from binging? Identify WHY and once you’re honest with yourself about what’s making you binge, try to correct it and resolve the matter.
KNOW WHAT SITUATIONS make you binge! This could be stress, it could be a certain type of food, this could be certain people you hang out with, a certain emotion, anything. Know when you’ll most likely crack, so that next time if you see a similar situation arising, remove yourself from it! So that you WON’T be tempted into it.
I’ve been taking steps backwards instead of steps forward. I’m sabotaging my own goals.
I’m making a new goal, a new promise to myself, to be HAPPIER, to LOVE my body, to work hard enough to get what I want, because I DESERVE it.
I saw a great quote the other day,“The food you’ve craved for an hour, or the body you’ve craved for a lifetime? Your choice”.
So there you have it people. I am indeed not perfect with my diet, health, over-all well-being. No one is. And the ENTIRE point of switching to a healthy lifestyle is to LEARN your weaknesses, your strengths and to improve on every single one of them. Good AND bad. I know I WILL one day have control over my mind and decipher what it really NEEDS, not WANTS, and be happy with a cookie and MOVE ON. Until then, it’s an everyday battle, but one I’m determined to fight against.
Thanks for listening. I truly hope this has helped at least one person out there realize they’re not alone.