friday was a day of celebration.
i hit 60 days of ZERO binges.
this may not seem like a big deal to the “normal eater”, but if you struggle with binge-eating-disorder, i know you feel me on this.
i share this hoping to inspire just one person. one person who is struggling currently. who had a rough weekend. who caved last night, last week ,whenever. you are not alone and you can hit Day 60 as well.
*side note – the “Day 81” on the top left is just my Day 81 of being consistent with my Gratitude Journaling. I’ve been doing it for much longer than 81 days, but when I miss a morning of writing down what I’m Grateful for, i start the count-up over again. This helps me because i personally am a visual person and count-ups clearly motivate me. ha! whatever works, right?!*
ok back to it…
i shared openly in this post, my battle with binge eating disorder.
since writing that post, a little a year and a half ago, i’ve gained so much knowledge on the disease and made it my mission to utilize every “tool” to overcome my addiction to food.
but guess what i learned? i’ll never overcome it. i’ll battle it every single day, for the rest of my life.
and if you wrestle with this beast as well, you will be battling it every single day too.
why so negative taylor?!
trust me, it’s far from negative. it’s actually what gets me through every single time i want to cave in – but i remind myself that i AM in control, of my mind & body.
this is what i mean.. when you try to go against it, to fight it, thinking you’ve totally got it under wraps – that’s when you lose it. you lose your control.
it’s the moment when you are able to tell yourself your mind isn’t wired like the “normal” eater and guess what, THAT’S OK! accept it. that’s the #1 step. accept that you will never have the type of relationship with food that others may have.
THEN that’s when you are at peace with it, and can begin to put to use tools to help you get through each day that it becomes second nature to have full control over your mind and decisions when it comes to food.
when talking others who are “normal” eaters about BED (binge eating disorder) they always say the same thing “don’t you get full? like why don’t you just stop?” if it were that simple…
this post is not dedicated to talking about the disorder itself, so i am going to hop right back on track, because ya’ll know what i’m talking about and if not please again, read my original post to see if you can put a match on your food struggles to this – then once you’re able to say “yep that’s me” that’s your cue to begin taking steps to allow yourself to accept then better yourself.
so…. if i did the original BED post back in November 2013, and am only celebrating 60 days being binge-free, that means i caved in since that post.
yep. i did. and guess what? i’ll probably allow myself to be self absorbed and take it all out on food again in the future. then start the count-up over again.
and that’s okay. i’m human. it’s about dusting yourself off, and getting right back on track. not going back to my “me me me” “omg I’M so stressed out” “I am so upset right now I want to feed MYSELF all the cookies” “how could someone say that to ME. now I need to eat.”. give me all the food to make MY bad feelings go away. you get the point. and if you’re not at the place currently to understand what i mean or grasp that it’s 100% true, then i beg you to keep reading or go seek guidance from a professional.
how i made it to the big 6-0. (well 62 now! whoop whoop!)?
my top 5 “tools”:
1. GET IT OUT OF THE HOUSE. out of sight out of mind. with a fully supportive husband, after i had gone MANY days/weeks binge-free then caved, i decided to just get rid of any and all triggers. and if we did have it in the house it’s out of my sight completely. but how does one enjoy a cheat meal or ice cream? or candy? say no to it ALL, for FOREVER?! nope, just eat it out of the house with someone who supports you, then don’t bring anything back into the house. ie: go to FrozenYo, enjoy that big ass bowl of ice cream and toppings, but do not have any candy or ice cream waiting for you at home. again, this step is necessary to have a support system in place, be it your husband, a friend you can phone easily, etc.
i now have a lot of “trigger” foods in my apartment, because i have gotten to the place where i can have them around and am in a MUCH mentally stronger place than previously, thus not caving in like i previously would have.
2. Be GRATEFUL. since BED is such a “self centered” disease, be grateful for everything outside of YOU. every single morning i write down 10 things i’m grateful for. anything. this starts my morning off on an OUTWARD look, and reminds me how much i truly have to be grateful for. this tool is good for anyone and everyone, regardless of this topic of BED.
3. Journaling your thoughts. The MOMENT you get the urge to crush that case of oreos. STOP. close your eyes, count to 10, take a deep breath then grab your journal dedicated to this. begin to write down what you’re feeling. at that exact moment. it can be ANYTHING. just write your emotions – set a timer for 10 minutes if you have to to not stop writing until it goes off. and i bet you by the end of that journaling/timer you’ll have come to realize that the food you thought you wanted was really just you trying to “block” those emotions that are staring back at you from the page. but guess what? they’re on that page now, looking at you, waiting for you to accept them. you put them there. you have control. you are in control. take a deep breath again. then move on.
4. a count-up: weather it be #1 in your gratitude journal like i have, a piece of paper with tally marks stuck to your fridge, in your phone, anywhere. just keep that shit written down, because trust me when i say even when you get to day 3, day 10, etc. they are all just as big of mile stones as the previous and you will be so incredibly proud of yourself. and seeing that number increase and you NOT wanting to start the count-up again, is an incentive to keep on track.
5. acceptance. i touched on this in the beginning, but accept yourself unconditionally. meditate, set intentions, say affirmations every morning, anything to send love to yourself. yes, this disease is a self-centered thing, but self-love is a whole other ball game. self-love and realizing you ARE the way you are, and loving yourself unconditionally through this struggle is so crucial to your healing. don’t fight it, don’t deny it, allow yourself to be happy and proud that you love yourself no matter what “flaws” you may carry with you. it sucks, yes, but it’s what makes you you. everyone has struggles, this one may be yours. deal with it, accept it.
part two this is accepting when you fall off track. again, i touched base on this in the beginning, but it also is so important. you fall off course, don’t bash yourself. love yourself, for being human. each time you fall off course, is just another opportunity to put your mental-tools back to use and take it on head stronger the very next moment.
the more you love yourself, the easier it will be to forgive yourself. & the determination to creating a healthier and better you will continue to increase. because of self-love, you want to respect your body and mind. which you are 100% capable of, just accept it. because YOU, you are better than your mind.
side note, and plugging this in after i was about to hit “done” on here, because it was just SO obvious to me but i realize it may not be to others who are on the beginning of their healing path: another tool, that doesn’t really need a #, is IIFYM (if it fits your macros) – this lifestyle and “diet” changed my life. it allows me to KNOW i can have the foods that i once caved in on because i assumed i was already in the “hole” and may as well keep going and will just “get back on track” tomorrow, mentality. i now enjoy trigger foods in moderation as long as i plug them in in the morning into myfitnesspal, because KNOWING i CAN have them is a total game-changer. everyone knows i preach Macro counting, and i could do an entire blog post how it alone has helped with my BED, but i think it’s just pretty damn obvious. I have women who i coach through my Macro Program who struggle with BED and they have been able to accept it and allow their once “trigger” foods back into their lives because of macro counting and the support they know they get from me when they have their “off” days AND good! it’s a beautiful thing to be able to know exactly how someone else is feeling, then provide them with a tool and guidance to fit what they want in and not feel like they’re in their “hole” and will just get back out of it tomorrow. i am, for that, so grateful for all the women i get to guide. truly.
if you don’t think you can use these tools or don’t have a support system in place, go check out http://www.oa.org/
sending you so much love, strength & light.
if you, personally, don’t struggle with this – but know someone who may, send them the oa.org link – it may just be the “sign” they need. and they’ll be forever grateful for it.